Bjørn Stærk, January 2008
Something unexpected happened over the Christmas holiday: I got decaffeinated.
My addiction to coffee began ten years ago with one cup in the morning, and has risen steadily to a peak last year of two regular coffees and two rather large espressos every day. Coffee must be the most harmless and beneficial addictive substance in the world. I owe several work deadlines and blog essays to this wonderful black brain fuel.
Do you remember in Blazing Saddles where Hedley Lamarr says "my mind is a
raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall
of creative alternatives"? That's what it feels like to be high on coffee on
a Saturday morning, with an empty text editor in front of you. That's why I
often write on coffee. It's also why I rewrite off it. You wouldn't
believe the sort of nonsense that makes sense during a coffee high.
This stuff is powerful.
And it's addictive. You need to drink more and more to reach the same high. Some coffee drinkers deny that they're addicted to it. They drink several cups of it every single day, but they're not addicted. Oh no. What a strange belief. Noone says it's a powerful or dangerous addiction - not like nicotine or heroin. But if you quit coffee after regular use you will go through withdrawal.
This happened to me during Christmas. I didn't intend for it to happen, I was very happy with my coffeine addiction. But I was with my family for a week, and my whole coffee routine got kicked out of track. My parents drink less and weaker coffee than I do, and often in the evening, when I can't, or it's bye-bye Sandman and hello to staring into the ceiling. So somehow I got down to a single cup in the morning, instead of .. many.
Here's what happened: Suddenly I find myself going
to bed early, and sleeping 10 hours every night. 10 hours every night for six
nights. No pain, just sleep, lots and lots of sleep. I haven't slept so well
in years.
You can't sleep 10 hours a night when you're working, but I had a week and a
half of vacation to sleep out in, and .. it .. felt .. great.
So after a week of this I was down to one cup of coffee, and I thought, "hm, I wonder what happens if I just quit coffee alltogether." So I did that. And that's when the headaches came.
They were mild headaches. My brain felt somewhat like a metallic screech sounds like, but it was a weak feeling. At the same time my other sensations began to feel more .. intense. Stronger colors, a stronger sense of being present.
Three days of that, and then it was over. I was fully decaffeinated. I went back to work, and now I don't feel any more or less alert than I usually do. But something is different. I'm not sure how to describe it - it's like there's been a sound in your head for years and you no longer notice it, but then it goes away and everything feels so quiet. I'm calmer somehow. And my level of alertness fluxuates less than it used to. Maybe this is temporary, I don't know.
I didn't plan to quit coffee, but now that I have I'm reluctant to get addicted again. There's no benefit to it. There is a huge benefit to being high on caffeine - I love that. But there's none to maintaining a coffee addiction. That cup you drink in the morning? It doesn't wake you up, it just kills the withdrawal symptoms from going a whole night without coffee. And, according to the 14-year old kid who controls the Wikipedia entry on coffee, regular use has made most coffee drinkers "completely tolerant to most of the effects of caffeine".
In other words, you're running just to stand still. There has to be a better way. Here's my plan - call it a New Year's resolution if you like, though the hard part is already over: I'm going to drink coffee only when I want a caffeine high. Tired in the morning? Sleep more. Feel like drinking something warm? Make some hot chocolate. Don't waste something as precious as caffeine on such menial tasks.
Bjørn Stærk, 2008
No, you can't post comments. Comments are so 2003. I hate them. Send me an e-mail instead, (se above), or head over to the same essay at iNorden if you must.