Today, the voters of Langtvekkisthan will take part in an election of monumental importance. Captain Evil, who controls the southern part of the country with his army of hell-summoned zombies, will face Professor Genocide, who holds the northern region in thrall with braincontrol-rays, in an election many hope will put an end to decades of civil war.

We've seen the coverage, we know the candidates. Only the people of Langtvekkisthan have a vote, but their decision will be felt across the planet. Will a triumphant Captain Evil launch a fiendish army of the undead upon the world, building an empire of eternal darkness, or will Professor Genocide be given resources to finish work on his Weather Machine of Doom, and turn the world into a ball of ice as cold as his hatred of all life? The stakes are high, and it is only natural that we outsiders feel we have a right to be heard.

It is not easy to choose between two candidates observers say represent two different but equally horrific brands of monumental evil. But I've agonized over this for weeks, and finally made my decision. I believe it is the moral duty of the people of Langtvekkisthan to elect Professor Genocide for supreme ruler, for the following reasons:

1. Professor Genocide is human, and thus more predictable than Captain Evil, a demonic entity of unknown origin. We know what we get.

2. There's a chance that Professor Genocide's Weather Machine of Doom will meet with no more success than his Portal of Torture and his Vortex of Unspeakable Evil.

3. I don't know about you, but I prefer an empty, brainwashed existence on a frozen earth to life-long slavery under creatures from Hell.

4. Professor Genocide's crooked, wild-eyed appearance is more statesman-like than Captain Evil's humpback and trademark drooling scowl.

5. Professor Genocide's lifespan is limited by his ability to develop life prolongation techniques through horrific medical experiments on children. Captain Evil is, for all we know, eternal.

I make this recommendation reluctantly, and I'm relieved that I don't have the right to vote. Who do you support and why? Share your views on the comment section. (Note: Anyone who mentions a certain other election in this thread will have a website calling for their assasination created for them.)

I agree. I doubt Professor Genocide will be able to pull of the Weather Machine of Doom. He has destroyed the scientists he needs to complete the project. Besides, I've seen enough halloween movies to know that anything is better than fighting with the Undead.

I'm amazed you haven't blogged about the death of free speech in Holland today:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3974179.stm

Susan: I just did.

However, someone always seem to survive in those halloween movies, even the one with big H. Of course, the bad guy always return. So if we don't see Professor Genocide reelected maybe we'll see his son Professor Killemallovic, his brother Dr. Uptonogud or for that matter the dreadful Dr4.

But then Captain Evil is bad-bad-bad too. And his wife? Can you believe his wife? I mean; she's like the Dark Mother of a Thousand Young Shub-Niggurath Revisited. It's a shame really, that they have a de facto two-party system in Langtvekkistan.

Øyvind

Certainly its little wonder that with a constant parade of monsterous leaders in recent years that the numbers of people leaving Langtvekkisthan for greener pastures (perhaps in Sweden or even....Norway) have been simply phenomenal.

This is even more amazing when Demographers predict that the Langtvekkisthan population will have tripled by 2006. Langtvekkisthan has an impressively high birth rate, that more than compensates for the numbers leaving the country.

[the total bann on all abortion also has a role to play in this]

Some social scientists have assumed that this is due to the incumbent rulers total ban on all entertainment (books, video games, movies) within his respective zone that the inhabitants of Langtvekkisthan have been turning to sexual activities in order to reduce their boredom. Indeed the nature of these acts have been increasingly risky, so much so that they've become the talk of all the western world chat rooms and blog sites.

Other sources say that this is all a dastardly plot by Captain Evil to increase the number of recruits for his zombie armies, but introducing Aphrodisiacs into the Langtvekkisthan water supple.

Cheers,
Dave.

Cthulhu for President! Why settle for a lesser evil?

Captain Evil is vulnerable to garlic, making it possible for partisans to retreat to Gilroy in California. Anything that will kill Professor Genocide, however, will also kill us.

David Elson obviously hasn't done his homework - while there have been reports that Captain Evil has been secretly lacing the reservoirs of Langtvekkisthan with Spanish Fly, this covert action is unlikely to result in a population increase, despite what the Demographers say - we all know who they're working for. The massive and unexpected success of Professor Genocide's campaign for cross-species marriage - launched by homosexual singer Lez Fuck with his international hit "I Love my Pussy" - is already slated to more than compensate for the increase in sexual activity, since the cross-species birth-rate is said to be "insignificant". It will also doubtless tie up the bureaucracy to an unimaginable degree, as witnessed by the confusion surrounding the much-publicised Easter marriage of Marge Pudding with a kangaroo, which immediately opened the door to naturalisation for all marsupials. Incidentally, just before she walked up the aisle, Marge admitted that she had "a surprise in her pouch", so we can expect more news on this very soon. And the recent suspicious drowning of two Langtvekkisthan fisherman only days before their planned double wedding to Siamese mermaids may well be a desperate attempt by Captain Evil's secret service to stem the popularity of the cross-species fad.

Free your minds - we are being lied to!

Pete

Don't worry. Captain Freedom arrived on a white horse from the sky and destroyed all that is evil. (Interesting that God is left out of the equation in this scenario of evil choices...)

Hah - everyone knows that Captain Freedom is a good old ally of Professor Genocide. Actually, it was Captain Freedom who provided the Professor with the tools needed to build the Vortex of Unspeakable Evil.

Despite the intellectual dysfunctions inherited from his drug-ridden Maoist past, Oyvind is right on this one. These occult alliances are more important than the anal-retentive right-wing press is willing or able to admit.

Although the infamous Portal of Torture did work to a certain extent, as demonstrated by its recent nefarious influence on the entertainment industry, the Vortex of Unspeakable Evil never did. And in fact it was never meant to, it was a classic example of psy-ops, intended to destabilise Captain Evil by challenging his supremacy in the very sector in which he claims to excel. There is every reason to believe that the Weather Machine of Doom is also, since

1) all the parts listed in recent Press reports have been shown to figure in the latest Moulinex catalogue

2) the much-touted Time magazine photo of the "Machine" is in fact a view of the generator which supplies power to the latrines on the Swiss Navy facilities in Gstaad

3) there can be no conceivable use for a combination shower-head and TV channel-changer in a machine that is supposed to operate exclusively on Butagaz

4) there is no scientific foundation for the theory that "pissing into the wind" causes immediate heavy rainfall - this can easily be verified by pragmatic experiment

Also, reports of "conclusive preliminary tests" are almost certainly false, since

1) despite French reports to the contrary, London is not foggy

2) Australian weather remains consistently 6 months behind that of the civilised countries

3) the crop circles which recently appeared in a number of Langtvekkisthan cabbage patches are not the result of deliberately targeted "micro-tornados", as claimed, but are the work of a group of marauding vegetarian terrorists.

Also, Alexander, although it pains me to burst your naive bubble, it has been clear to everyone for years that God is a media-projected hologram. This is easily proved by the fact that He is said to appear in many places at the same time, and to hold immensely different opinions at the same time - no truly human bearded old geezer in a night-shirt could possibly do so.

Feed your head!

Pete

How about voting for a third party? :P

Hello blog members,

mullahIslam is a super Cult masquerading as a religion. Truth does not need laws to protect it, truth can stand by itself. MullahIslamists use all kinds of devious means to 'uphold' their cult dogma- dissimulation, deceit,lies, coercion, even physical assault and murder as witnessed a gajillion times in the history of mullahIslam- with the most recent murder of outspoken theo van Gogh in holland. The shocking thing is that the stupid politicians in england on the behest of their islamists lobbyists are gearing to pass a law forbidding the criticism of islam. This is a dangerous precedent to free speech for which Theo would have died in vain. Read the following communique from Dr. Ali Sina and sign the petition for freedom of speech and expression = concepts totally anathema to Islam=a draconian system that enslaves the mind body and soul and which will lead you to perdition! :

article by Dr. Ali Sina:

http://www.faithfreedom.org/oped/sina40828.htm

also read: http://www.geocities.com/islamic_monitor/index.html

Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"First Amendment freedoms include the right to criticize Islam and Muhammad"

hosted on the web by PetitionOnline.com, the free online petition
service, at:

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/islam999/

I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might
agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider
signing yourself.

Thanks,

Kim Sook-Im

An interesting read! I'll consider what you said over my christmas holidays. I want The Sims 2 for Christmas!

An interesting read! I'll consider what you said over my christmas holidays. I want Office 2003 Standard great for Student & Teacher Edition 2003 for Christmas!

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